My mother was a worrier. Everything, all the time. I remember consciously choosing not to be a worrier like her when I was a teenager and I thought there could be another way. I could see the pain it caused her, how she couldn't put it down, and I thought, terrible things happen in life, and there's no way this is helpful to avoiding them.
She felt the worrying made her safe, in control, vigilant. It was exhausting to watch, and exhausting to be raised in. Of course, when my own daughter was born and parenting began, my own childhood rearing patterns emerged. I did my best to pick and choose and release ill-serving habits that were deeply ingrained, but it was messy, and it wasn't easy. Worrying felt familiar, now that I had a child to protect and raise. It just didn't do what my mother believed: keep us safe, or in control.
But the habit is sticky. Even now, Daughter is in her 20s, I am still talking myself off of panicky cliffs I've managed to think myself onto. I know that worrying lies, and I trust that what I worry about is only as bad as I think it is. I know this because reliable Buddhist masters have told me so, and I tested their hints and hacks and found out for myself how my worrying lies. And I remember my mother, always nervous, always worried, never actually managing to chase away the thoughts of impending doom.
Worrying never brought her the peace or safety she wanted. She wasted time, energy, and life force believing the safety of the lie.
So dropping worrying is coming to terms with understanding terrible things can happen, and knowing an anxiousness based coping mechanism isn't going to fend it off. I can't even tell you that meditation will help keep your troubles away, or voodoo wishes, pledges to unseen beings, pacts with devils or angels. Trouble is its own energy, and there's nothing we can actively do to keep it from us. There are things we can do to make our lives more peaceful and calmer in the meantime, yes, but there's nothing to do to fend off an energy that is larger and wiser than we are.
Trouble comes with a purpose. It is your path to awakening if you can stand it.
Worrying doesn't birth safety or control. The future can be terrible. Inner peace, clarity and joy can be had now. These are all separate energetic equations, and it's time we stop mushing them together as one truth. Do what you can to talk yourself off your cliffs; see how it all lies. Trust that no matter what happens, the best outcome possible in every moment emerges (it's the master equation, never failing). Worrying and you should never mix.
