Skip to main content

"normal" is just common and on a continuum




What I liked about Buddhism when I found it was all the mind training and the easy step-by-step already discovered and verified ways to get yourself out of anything. I also really appreciated the take-it-or-leave-it-ness of the teachings; it matched what my own elders had been trying to remind me: if it works for you, excellent. if it doesn't, just ignore that part and move on. Each path is unique and perfect as it is for each person.




I needed Buddhism because my own Nipissingism had been carved up and tossed about/away by the impacts of colonialism (which is a nice way to say white supremacist ideologies that were governmentally approved worked to inflict a multi-fold, many generations genocide on my peoples, which is incidentally still occurring in its latest iteration). There wasn't much Nipissingism spirituality teachings for me to find and work with as a young kid. The entirety of First Nations' spirituality felt like it was in the beginning stages of just re-beginningness, after decades of destruction. So there wasn't much to find easily.




So when a very immense, black as night Thunderbird decided I needed 1:1 instructions in some of what Thunderbird knows, my Nipissingism helped me hold myself together cellularly, and Buddhism helped me stabilize my mind. It took about four years: one year for the various instructions, and another few years to normalize and reintegrate myself into my life (because honestly, how do you live after a bird the size of a skyscraper decides to open your mind at random points during the year and provide you with information that is too large to hold).




With the help of my elders (all "conveniently" dead at this point) and Buddhism I was able to convince myself I wasn't crazy, that this was a culturally-normal experience, and I was handling it well (I was, after all, parenting a 4-8 year old in a new city by myself, and I had managed to find consistent employment and bills were getting paid). Still, what I would have cherished was being able to approach this experience from a solely Nipissingism way, something I hope the younger generations get to do in the years to come. I hope for myself that I get to keep rediscovering Nipissingism, that the Thunderbird returns to shake me up again, and that my elders (all still "conveniently" dead) continue to stick around and give pointers. What I hope for you is that you come to understand, if you don't yet already, how unique and perfect your path is, and you can accept or leave anything easily, without needing to invest in the story of what that might mean. It means nothing or everything; it's up to you. And that's really okay.

Popular posts from this blog

weirdness should be normalness because it's so commonplace

So I've been quiet; I'm normally quiet except for a stream of reposts and some quotes and some pics but nothing too personal, nothing private. I struggle with the idea that my private life is private, even private in relation to close friends and Daughter. This echoes back to childhood, when I was very small, trying to understand how this world I seem to be moving body in and through did not (and still kind of does not) match the landscape and the map I remembered. And still remember. I remember a me beyond me; I actually remember a few of these, in snippets and in whole stories, but the me I feel I am is having a second act, here in this life now. It's taken too many years to sort of bridge that awareness but I truly believe had I not been born Nipissing, specifically, it would have taken longer. From what I've been told, Nipissings were spacewalkers, able to see, be, and be seen through time, space (outer and inner), location, and in non-reality (s...

ask yourself the big question

Some of my clients (okay, a lot of my clients) struggle with fully comprehending the immensity of the self they are. "How are you doing?" is usually greeted with a mind-based response, or if the client considers themselves to be aware, they pause a little and respond, or list out grievances with personal annotations that make their grievances feel, to them, less like holding a victim-position, and more like self-conscious witnessing. When I ask, "How are you doing?" in a session, your "aura" expands with unprocessed, unwanted, unacknowledged subconscious data and I see this filter down into a response. I learned to look for this while working with an elder who did medicine work; he'd ask the question over and over to different people, and his gaze (and his being) widened to accept the subconscious data. He'd tell me to look, look at what they do, look at what he does; don't listen, don't try to figure anything out, just sit a...

how to trust your spirituality when it's all bonkers

For most of my life I was untooled unskilled unresourced for what was happening to me on the energetic-spiritual-soul level. It didn't occur to me that people would have these similar experiences. My childhood environment lacked a spiritual base (thanks to residential school generational impact and the inherent blandness of Canadian cultural landscape we were trying to mimic). While I was sent to Catholic school, there's nothing there that hinted at similar experiences. I didn't think anyone understood or could help me decipher what had happened to me; one minute I was a grown woman on a desert road, dying, and the next, a small child with carpet under my hands. The steps inbetween were known but non-conceptual/not understandable to the small child I was. By the time I was 18, I had been reintroduced to native culture but the rebirth that was occurring was just too fresh, and not very substantive to what started happening that year. Time-space-deat...